Who Am I

thats my big problem


i dont know who i am


for 10 years now ive been wondering what my backround is like. where my family originated from, what religion they were, who my family was.

when i was younger i always talked about how i would find my birth parents and ask them thousands of questions when i was ten years old. my parents use to laugh and think it was cute that i actually had a list of questions for my birth parents.

then i turned ten and asked my mom if she could drive me to see my parents and she said that she couldnt because i was too young. then i was in eighth grade and facebook was the new way to talk to everyone. so as you can guess i made a facebook profile with my old name- Duncan rafiel... West. had i knew my entire middle name i would have put it up.

after a while my mom found out and i got into a lot of trouble for trying to connect with my birth parents. turns out it was illegal what i was trying to do. i guess, according to law, my birthparents arnt allowed to have any contact with me what so ever while im this young.

my mom told me about all the bad stuff my parents did and why i was where i am now. i got so mad at my birthparents that i burned my list and swore never to have anything to do with them ever again.

sophmore year we had to do a prodject on our heritage. everyone wrote down what they were, asian, native american ect. i handed my slip in saying- I Dont Know. boy was my teacher upset. she kept saying how i should know my heritage and how discraceful it was to my family that i didnt know. my reply was- Do you know why i was adopted?, No, so you shouldnt tell me why its discraceful to not know my hertitage.- i didnt know what i had said till i said it. the whole class held their breath. five minutes went by and the teacher finally said - well ok then, pick a heritage.

now again i dwell on the same question(s) ive had in my mind for years now.

where did i originate from?

who were my ancestors?

am i related to kanye west?

many more questions run around my head. nowadays i never stop thinking.

in a way its kinda exciting to guess aboout yourself. i remember in modern european class that some of my friends and i spent one class period talking about how cool it would be for me to be chinese, british, spanish ect.

some say that im asian just because i love their broad swords, i know how to write some words in chinese and because some days i just look asian.


the past week ive been wondering if i could be jewish, and of course if i was then the holocaust would affect me greatly. more than it does now.

the only downside is not being able to compare your backround with others, and the fact that its a great tease in school. hahaha funny stuff! Not.

also one song has taught me that it dosent matter where youve come from or where youve been, its what you plan to do in the future that matters. (ok so maybe i didnt get that from a song, but its where i got the thought)

all i can think to say right now is that im thankful to be where i am now. i would never have meet the amazing Beaulieus. and i wouldnt have had my cuzin Bailey, who is the cutest baby ive ever played with.

well i hope everyone had an amazing thanksgiving.

Dippindots still has thinking to do (which is how to swipe some freshly baked cookies without mom knowing)

what really matters

today i watched soul surfer. it was by far one of the best movies ive seen this year. and it taught me some stuff.

it taught me that there is more to life than what we already know. up here in america, we are living the good life while other countries are beong destroyed by war, violence and mother nature.

to me, life isnt about making money, owning expensive cars or anything else for that matter. to me all you need in life is friends, family, God and a happy atmosphere. i can live without a car, without a tv, videogames, computer, phone ect. what i couldnt live with out is friends, family and God.

another thing, we need to stop being snobby americans. we are not the only peopl in ths world. there are many unfortunate countrys living in disaster zones everyday. there the one that need help more than us.

sometimes i wish i was a really wealthy person, i would spend my money on helping other countries get back on their feet. i would give kids a new park to play in or a new school to learn in. i really dont like how many americans turn down the offer to help out children in need. what if it was their child that was caught in a tsunami, or some other disaster. these kids should be treated like our own.

nothing saddens me more than people ignoring children in need.


this was all inspiered by the movie: soul surfer.

until next time

Dippindots