Well not much going on here. School work and sleep is all i do now. I wish i could do more.
Plus i have turned 20. I'm still not use to that idea. I cant get old yet.
This year has been interesting so far. in January my girlfriend of two years was asked to go on a double date by one of her girlfriends. i was fine with it until i found out i was not going to be the guy she was going with. i asked her not to go but she convinced me that is was just to support her friend. turns out her friend was hoping that the other guy and my girlfriend would connect and be more than friends. I no longer like that girl. after that date my girlfriend is more involved in her phone that ever. smiling and laughing at the other guys messages and snap chats. i seemed to be fading from her mind as she talked about him more and seemed to interact with me less. she would message him late into the night and wanted to hangout with him on the only days we had time for just her and I. she started to ask if it was ok if she could stay at his house late into the night and come home after midnight. of course i said no to this. i then got a little bit suspicious after i saw her send hearts and kisses to him over text. i went through her phone that night and saw that she liked him and wanted to end it with me. she was calling him her crush, as i was just an idiot on whisper. the messages between him and her bashed me around a few times as well as seeing her call him cute and sending him hearts alot.
ive never felt so broken.
we are still together, but i cant help but carry the thought around that i was not good enough for her at one point.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
I have never thought i would be struggling so much just to be on my own. Just trying to go to college and i cant keep up with my bills. i never have enough money for personal use, fixing my car, food or even to have a social life. i live with my girlfriend and her parents and there is barely any food in the house, yet her parents can afford the bill for multiple smart phones, brand new desktop computers, lots of beer and a new car. I just really don't like how everything keeps turning out for me. i keep getting hammered with bills from accounts that should have been ended over a year ago. thus making me broke with pretty much $20 for a couple weeks.
I just want to travel the world and live my dream life. clearly it wont happen anytime soon
Cheers
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Monday, December 8, 2014
Back Again...I Guess
Well I haven't been on here in quite a while. Two years I believe. I guess I am here to vent then.
Well here is my life right now
So I am in college soon to end my first semester and hopefully get to start my second semester. However I have very little money and these past few weeks, well haven't been very good. It seems that every time I have something going good it gets ruined. For example; I just started to have all my bills slow down (by slow down i mean less a month) and today my mom messaged me saying a debt collector was trying to get a hold of me. Turns out when i was in Ohio I had gotten WiFi for my dorm. When I left I had asked them to turn off my account. I guess it never did and this past year they have charged me for wifi for the entire year resulting in a $300 payment. Joy. just another lesson learned I guess.
Second I have been trying to find a second job due to the fact i now only work part time. I now only make about $600 a month. Not enough to pay for my school bills and my car all together. It seems that every place I apply too is promising for the first three weeks saying they will find a way to get me hours to fit my schedule. so far they have all disappointed me, either by simply not getting back to me ( after 6 weeks of going there in person) or saying my schedule is too busy for me to add anything else to it. So when did other people decide how much it too much work for me? Its my choice is it not? So far I have applied to countless places, gotten many interviews and so far I have still not gotten a second job. Its Christmas time and I don't have any money to get my family presents.
Third. I feel invisible to the world, unwanted. I have yet to make any good friends that will hang out with me after school instead of just the classroom. Even my own family members don't reply to my messages while they are online. it usually takes them a day or two to respond. My current girlfriend dose not seem to care much about us even though she says she does, (Due to an argument with my parents I moved out and am now living with her). we share a room together and when we first moved in she said she wanted it to be our room. well needless to say its mostly her room with my dresser being the only indication I'm there. She didn't want me to put the thing I wanted in the room due to the fact that they were childish. So I packed everything up except for clothes and important paperwork and put everything else in storage. She dosen't seem to respect my "thoughts", or "wishes". Ill ask her to do something important for me that I cant do due to being in class all the time (phone call at a certain time, important items to drop off ect) and she will choose not to do them until either I did it or it was convince for her. Or i ask her to wait for me to do something but she does it anyway. I gust got a PlayStation 4 for myself ( I got Walmart credit to make monthly payments on it because A. I didn't think I had credit at the time and wanted credit, and B. I didn't have all $400 for it.) So i asked her to wait for me to open it because I wanted to be the first to use it ( I did buy it with my own money after all and still am paying for it). I also wanted to set up myself an account first so I could do all of the set up. Instead i came home from school to see that she had already opened it up, made an account for the both of us with the profile name as "sbsmiling" and everything already set up taking all the fun of it out for me. Now I got the PlayStation for mainly me and I want her to play games with me too, But she decided to give it to the entire family. And knowing her dad and how much he has to be the one to own everything, I pretty much got screwed out of the ps4 that i just got 2 days ago. Again. no respect for me and my wishes. that is my main point here.
Well I'm pretty sure that anyone (if anyone) reading this probably stopped after the first few sentences and probably has not bothered reading to the end. So im done for the night.
Until next time
P.S. I am walking contradiction, i was wearing 4 layers indoors, complaining I was cold and eating ice-cream at the same time. Currently that is my logic.
Well here is my life right now
So I am in college soon to end my first semester and hopefully get to start my second semester. However I have very little money and these past few weeks, well haven't been very good. It seems that every time I have something going good it gets ruined. For example; I just started to have all my bills slow down (by slow down i mean less a month) and today my mom messaged me saying a debt collector was trying to get a hold of me. Turns out when i was in Ohio I had gotten WiFi for my dorm. When I left I had asked them to turn off my account. I guess it never did and this past year they have charged me for wifi for the entire year resulting in a $300 payment. Joy. just another lesson learned I guess.
Second I have been trying to find a second job due to the fact i now only work part time. I now only make about $600 a month. Not enough to pay for my school bills and my car all together. It seems that every place I apply too is promising for the first three weeks saying they will find a way to get me hours to fit my schedule. so far they have all disappointed me, either by simply not getting back to me ( after 6 weeks of going there in person) or saying my schedule is too busy for me to add anything else to it. So when did other people decide how much it too much work for me? Its my choice is it not? So far I have applied to countless places, gotten many interviews and so far I have still not gotten a second job. Its Christmas time and I don't have any money to get my family presents.
Third. I feel invisible to the world, unwanted. I have yet to make any good friends that will hang out with me after school instead of just the classroom. Even my own family members don't reply to my messages while they are online. it usually takes them a day or two to respond. My current girlfriend dose not seem to care much about us even though she says she does, (Due to an argument with my parents I moved out and am now living with her). we share a room together and when we first moved in she said she wanted it to be our room. well needless to say its mostly her room with my dresser being the only indication I'm there. She didn't want me to put the thing I wanted in the room due to the fact that they were childish. So I packed everything up except for clothes and important paperwork and put everything else in storage. She dosen't seem to respect my "thoughts", or "wishes". Ill ask her to do something important for me that I cant do due to being in class all the time (phone call at a certain time, important items to drop off ect) and she will choose not to do them until either I did it or it was convince for her. Or i ask her to wait for me to do something but she does it anyway. I gust got a PlayStation 4 for myself ( I got Walmart credit to make monthly payments on it because A. I didn't think I had credit at the time and wanted credit, and B. I didn't have all $400 for it.) So i asked her to wait for me to open it because I wanted to be the first to use it ( I did buy it with my own money after all and still am paying for it). I also wanted to set up myself an account first so I could do all of the set up. Instead i came home from school to see that she had already opened it up, made an account for the both of us with the profile name as "sbsmiling" and everything already set up taking all the fun of it out for me. Now I got the PlayStation for mainly me and I want her to play games with me too, But she decided to give it to the entire family. And knowing her dad and how much he has to be the one to own everything, I pretty much got screwed out of the ps4 that i just got 2 days ago. Again. no respect for me and my wishes. that is my main point here.
Well I'm pretty sure that anyone (if anyone) reading this probably stopped after the first few sentences and probably has not bothered reading to the end. So im done for the night.
Until next time
P.S. I am walking contradiction, i was wearing 4 layers indoors, complaining I was cold and eating ice-cream at the same time. Currently that is my logic.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
What once was
I never talk much. I want to but I don't. I have closed up to others, to the outside world. Sure I talk to people with the use of a keyboard. But its not my voice. I am always afraid of saying something wrong and scaring the people that matter the most to me away. Actually that did happen. To someone I was once proud to call my sister. To another who I am still in love with even throughout everything that has happened between us. I've tried to talk to others but I find that no one really cares to listen.
I sit here alone remembering what i had at one point with hopes of restarting the fire that once was my life.
I sit here alone remembering what i had at one point with hopes of restarting the fire that once was my life.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Sunday, July 7, 2013
summer 2013
Well already a month of summer has gone by and its going by pretty fast. I went to Michigan for the Ford AAA competition, then went to Ohio to look at a couple colleges. I got home to start my new job the next week, went to a graduation party that lasted until 3 in the morning with everyone sitting in a graveyard talking about the reality of graduating. Other than that I've been just hanging around.
Its a weird feeling knowing that your not going to see any one from your class on a daily basis anymore. no more causing trouble in the halls during break. No more teasing underclassmen, no more fun classes that usually encouraged some students to try something stupid (especially in science class, i once caused the classroom to lose power). There is so much i'm going to miss and a lot i'm already missing. There are people i know i will miss that i met while in school and moments i wish i could relive. I just wish it wasn't ending so soon.
Its a weird feeling knowing that your not going to see any one from your class on a daily basis anymore. no more causing trouble in the halls during break. No more teasing underclassmen, no more fun classes that usually encouraged some students to try something stupid (especially in science class, i once caused the classroom to lose power). There is so much i'm going to miss and a lot i'm already missing. There are people i know i will miss that i met while in school and moments i wish i could relive. I just wish it wasn't ending so soon.
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